Narcissism, Etc

So it's been a month since I posted last and it's been a yo-yo of a month. Busy, due to auf-rufs and weddings and out-of-town conferences on women's issues. I've used these events as an excuse to not exercise and it's done me wrong. But even though I got on the scale tonight and saw sad numbers, I'm not upset. I know that if I just go to the gym and eat well, I will lose weight.

My topic of choice tonight, as I return to this blog, is narcissism. (And it does have to do with weight loss). I have been trying to deal with my own narcissism and it comes up a LOT. I don't mean that I'm selfish or that I don't care about other people (I do!) but often I realize that what seems like insecurity is just plain self-centeredness.

For example, I am routinely un-tagging unflattering photos of me on Facebook. That's fine, I think most of us do that from time to time. But recently I realized that it was part of this trend where I am so concerned with how others see me that it becomes a bit preposterous. If I make a mistake or a social gaffe and I'm embarrassed and dwell on it, it usually doesn't dawn on me that most people are not particularly concerned with all Maggie all the time. And I think that's good lesson for me in general.

So the other day, there was a picture posted on Facebook of me, doing something cool and fun. But I hated the way I looked. I thought I looked fat and double-chin-y and bloated. But you know what? I kept it tagged. Because nobody is going to look at that picture and think, "Ha! I KNEW it! She's fat!" It's not a secret. Additionally, most people in my life know what I look like and can separate a good photo from an unflattering one without casting aspersions on my character.

And frankly, most people don't even care that much.

I hope this post didn't come off as depressing or bitter - I meant it in a liberating sense. I shouldn't be obsessed with what others are thinking of me, and should just focus on being the best Maggie I can be. There, now it's cheesy and uplifting. Hooray!