Back On The Wagon

Man, being at my parents' house was like a black hole of food. I haven't eaten that much in a while. I realized that being there gives me this weird compulsion to NOT STOP EATING. I honestly don't feel that way when I'm in my apartment. Sometimes I feel "noshy" but I don't usually eat until I'm physically ill. Blech.

But now I've escaped and I'm back in lovely Queens, supplied with some healthy food donated by my mom. I didn't even weigh myself at home because I was too nervous to see what it would say, and I'm probably not going to weigh myself for another week or so. My sister said it was impossible for me to have gained back all the weight I lost...but I wouldn't put it past my quick-reacting body.

BREAKFAST/BRUNCH

Leftover turkey
Leftover risotto
1 clementine

LUNCH

Bagel

DINNER

Turkey
Risotto
Salad

SNACK

1 clementine
2 apples


The binge eater is backkkkkk!

Days Of Eating Poorly

Despite the fact that I've been eating terribly this week (due to anxiety and lack of sleep) I was still able to impress my grandmother with my minor weight loss. Yay!

"You look good," she said, wagging her finger at me. "Keep it up." This part was a bit menacing. "Keep it up. Get as skinny as a bean!"

Later, I made the mistake of admitting how I was really full from Thanksgiving.

Grandma: "It's all that bread!"
Me: "I didn't eat THAT much bread."
Grandma: "YES YOU DID!!!"

Was she watching me eat? Yeesh!

Luckily, my uncle (who is not psycho) also told me that I had lost weight. It was the first thing he said when I saw him, actually. This was nice. It makes me feel like this is working and it's not just in my head. I'm sure I've canceled it all out by this time, but I know I can get back on track. I eat so much better when I control my food. Right now I'm at my parents' house and it's just all-food-all-the-time.

Sleep/Food

I haven't been getting any sleep lately so of course I'm eating terribly. I'm trying to blog even when I eat poorly, so here goes. Basically, I don't usually eat so much
A) Chocolate
B) Straight-up simple carbs (pasta)


BREAKFAST

1/2 cup oatmeal
1 egg
1 brownie


LUNCH

Carrots
Pesto pasta & chicken


SNACK

1 Milky Way
1 Brownie

DINNER

Pesto pasta
Vegetables

One Of Those Body-Issue Type Things

I had a pretty weird/bad day of eating. I also haven't been to the gym in a while, mostly due to TIMING things. I've had lots of interviews/film screenings/social events to go to. In case that sounded too exciting, most of these interviews were along the lines of "Babysit my child for eight dollars an hour."

I'm not even going to weigh myself tonight because I can't imagine it's anything good. Last I checked, I was 144! I just want to think about that number and try to get back into the mindset.

Alice upped my self-esteem tonight when I modeled these black pants from the Gap that I got at the clothing swap. I guess they're flattering? I'm so used to hiding my body in skirts, it's really hard for me to feel confident in pants. I also have a tendency to wear like five bras. It's an addiction that comes and goes...I did it a lot in high school and now I'm back, a la Tobias Funke and his cut-offs. I'm so jealous of all the women out there with their perky boobs. That's why this is one of my favorite 30 Rock moments:



Tomorrow is another day. Sallyforth!

BREAKFAST

Egg white omelette
Rice & Beans

SNACK

15+ little Kashi crackers
1/2 Pomegranate

SNACK #2

Milky Way

DINNER

Chipotle Chicken Burrito

Overeating

BREAKFAST

1 cup oatmeal


LUNCH

Diet Coke :(


DINNER

2 Portabella Veggie Burgers
1 cup of couscous (A LOT)
Spoonful of rice & beans that I was cooking for tomorrow


Of course, with this uneven eating, I feel pretty sick right now. Blagh.

Stay The Course

So yesterday I was pleased with myself because I went out for a friend's birthday and didn't drink at all. Not because I'm worried about alcoholism, just because I didn't want to spend money or waste carbs and calories on drinking. I can usually have just as much fun when I'm sober, and I did.

Then I found $2 in my pocket and got a chocolate bar. Oh, well. It was very yummy. For dinner all I had had were brussels sprouts and an apple, so I was hungry. Today I woke up really hungry and I had stayed the night at my friend's apartment in Park Slope. By the time I took four dumb trains back to Queens, I was really ravenous. So of course I've eaten loads today already.

Tonight I'm going out to dinner with a friend. I think my goal tonight is going to be: I MUST LEAVE A MORSEL OF FOOD ON MY PLATE.

This is my challenge - I always finish my plate regardless of whether or not I'm full. So...I've posted it here and let's see if I can do it.

LUNCH

Chicken noodle soup
2 clementines

SNACK

Oatmeal
Clementine


UPDATE: So I went to dinner and completely forgot about my little plan. However, at the fancy overpriced sushi restaurant, I ordered what I thought was a sushi roll, but ended up just being A PIECE OF SUSHI. One large piece of sushi. Or, rather, two large pieces of sushi. That's no meal (in my book). I also had miso soup.


DINNER

2 pieces of sushi
1 bowl of miso soup

DESSERT

Milky Way

(I've been having so much chocolate-craving lately!)

Snail's Pace

Holding steady at 145...I need to work a little harder at losing these next five pounds. Today is a good example of me eating a lot of dense foods even when I wasn't that hungry. On the plus side, I haven't snacked late at night in a long time.

Thanks for the exercise thoughts, Risch! I definitely feel good about myself when I exercise, because at least I'm burning some calories and doing something productive. Maybe when I do some actual running on the treadmill, I'll feel those magical endorphins. I used to get them when I really lost myself in exercise, like when dancing up a storm. I miss Dance Dance Party Party but it's held on Sundays, when I work at the Museum.

Lastly, every woman's hero (Tina Fey) used to be quite a bit heavier. As if I couldn't love her more - she had a weight problem. Sigh. Here's an excerpt of an interview with her:

Speaking of pumpkins, are you a healthy eater?
I try. When I was 29 — I am 36 now — I lost about 35 pounds. I did it through Weight Watchers. That's when I learned how to eat properly for the first time. Before, I used to be one of those people who wouldn't eat anything all day, then eat a piece of cake at 4 p.m., McDonald's at 10 p.m., and then go to bed.

Well, if Tina Fey can do it, I can too.



BREAKFAST:

1 string cheese
Oatmeal


LUNCH

Chicken caesar salad (dressing on the side)
Whole-grain baguette


DINNER

2 Chicken legs

SNACK

Bowl of oatmeal

EXERCISE

Not much (leisurely walk to work and back - 2 miles)

Mehhhhh

I know exercise is supposed to give you endorphins, but I exercised today and it made me sad that I didn't feel happier. What a vicious cycle. I also ate a big dinner because I had meant to eat a snack mid-day but it didn't happen.


BREAKFAST:

1 cup oatmeal
1 egg

LUNCH:

Quinoa
Brussels Sprouts
1 String Cheese

DINNER:

Salad
2 chicken legs
Quinoa Pasta
1 string cheese

EXERCISE:

20 minutes treadmill (alternating running and speed-walking, per K's suggestion)
15 minutes bicycle
Weights

My latest procrastination tool is watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Man, that show is awesome and super feminist, at least most of the time. I have such a soft spot for the old episodes.

Noshy

Another day of eating a lot of cheese (albeit "skim" and "low-fat"). Why is cheese so good? Alice just told me that her idea of eating a lot of cheese is eating a block of cheese surrounded by more cheese. So maybe I'm not doing too badly.

Today I had some thoughts about body dysmorphia (another word I'm apparently spelling wrong). I used to not comprehend how anorexics could look in the mirror and think of themselves as fat. Now I sort of understand it. When I look in the mirror, I can't look at myself objectively. It's a complete mystery to me what other people think when they look at my body. I almost want to give random people a survey: "How Would You Describe This Woman?" Fat? Chubby? Plump? Average? Obese? Round? Curvy? Normal?

I shouldn't worry about what other people think. But it's difficult. The hardest part of starting this blog was admitting that I had to lose weight. I was under the misguided notion that if I didn't tell anyone I was overweight that NOBODY WOULD KNOW. Hence, the "secret" dieting that always seemed to fall apart a week later. I'm hoping this is more sustainable.

And thanks Katie for the exercise suggestion! I am going to try adding some running to my repertoire, as long as it's in (very) short spurts.


BREAKFAST:

Zone Protein Bar (Caramel, not that good)
2 Egg Whites

LUNCH:

Salad
Low-fat/skim Polly-O cheese
Portabella Mushroom Burger (yummmmm)

SNACK:

Polly-O cheese

DINNER:

1 Chicken Leg
Brussels Sprouts
1 cup Oatmeal

EXERCISE:

25 minutes treadmill
30 minutes bicycle
Weights

Weekend Update

So I haven't been eating oh-so-well this weekend, but that's mostly due to alcohol. I've been trying to get better at protein consumption, and I've bought some eggs in order to make sure my breakfast is proteinous. (I thought that was a word?)

For instance, Saturday night I had the most sugary, carb-y drinks imaginable. Two margaritas and a Blue Moon beer. By the time I got to Hannah's, I was REALLY feeling those drinks, so when I went to the bathroom, I promptly took off all my clothes and weighed myself on her scale. It said 145 pounds! This makes me happy because it confirms that my scale isn't TOO crazy. It also means that at least as of Saturday, I have lost 7 pounds since I started this "magical weight loss journey" and slow-but-steady wins the race.

Also, with the exception of today, ever since I've joined the New York Sports Club, I've worked out EVERY DAY. Hooray! I don't run on the treadmill, I just speed-walk really fast, but I figure it's better for me to break a sweat doing something low-impact for 30 minutes than run for 3 minutes and give up. But am I wrong? Should I pushing myself a little harder? Keep in mind that I hate exercising.

Today's video is a hearkening back to the woman who inspired me to start this blog, Jennette Fulda. I know I posted a video of her before, but I don't think I posted this interview. I just think she's smart, pretty, and sassy and I love her blog.



BREAKFAST

Chicken noodle soup (I know, I'm weird but: PROTEIN!)

LUNCH

Zone protein bar
Low-fat/skim mozzarella stick

DINNER

Mushroom pizza slice
1 glass of Coney Island-inspired Beer
Diet Coke

DESSERT

Brownie (grrrr Alice you make delicious things)


Kind of a cheesy day, but onward and upward. Tomorrow = GYM!

It's fweaky

I got on the scale at the gym today and it was one of those doctor's office scales where you have to balance the weight. I find those confusing. The scale also said I was heavier than I thought I was. This made me depressed. But I also don't know if I was doing it right. I just want to know for sure how much I weigh! When I think I'm losing weight, I eat so much better because I'm excited and motivated. So today felt like a bummer, but go forth I shall.

Thanks for the support, Soph! I miss you!

In celebration of working out, I'll post a totally ridiculous music video I watched at NYSC while cycling, featuring one of my favorite people, Cornell Haynes Jr. (a.k.a NELLY)




BREAKFAST

1 cup oatmeal


LUNCH

Sweet potato
Vegetable bean soup


SNACK

Yogurt
Salad

DINNER

Quinoa pasta & Quorn meatballs
Salad
Wine

DESSERT

Yogurt #2


EXERCISE:

Leisurely walk to work & back (2 miles)
30 minutes bicycle
15 minutes treadmill
Weights

Day One of Actual Exercise

Today was the first day of hopefully many days at NYSC. It was nice and uncrowded, but I felt sort of awkward with all the weight equipment. I am small-statured so sometimes I think the machines should be adjusted for me, but I don't really want to mess with it. But I worked out for about an hour and it felt pretty good.

BREAKFAST

Oatmeal

LUNCH

Brussels Sprouts
Overpriced protein bar

DINNER

Quinoa/Kamut pasta with Quorn meatballs

EXERCISE:

Leisurely walk to work and back (2 miles)
30 minutes treadmill
30 minutes bicycle
Weights

I'm sure I'll have a snack later on as well. I was on my way to Key Food, my usual chain grocery store, but I wanted quinoa, so I ducked into the local organic store, Kai Organics. I'd never been in there, but I was swayed by the sign on their door: "THE BATHROOM INSIDE IS AVAILABLE FOR ALL HUMAN BEINGS. NO PURCHASE IS NECESSARY." And then some Buddhist quote. I really respect that. Everyone should be able to have urinary freedom.

Anyway, in addition to regular quinoa, they had these quinoa/kamut pasta twists, so I bought that as well. Ah, quinoa. Protein-filled miracle grain.




p.s. I just realized that I don't think my NYSC has ellipticals. TRAVESTY!

Thoughts on gyms and self-image

So I joined a gym! Thanks for your input, Rischa - I was especially concerned with contracts due to the fact that I might travel next year and don't want to be stuck paying for months that I can't use.

I ended up picking New York Sports Club for a couple reasons. First, this is the birthday present from The Folks and since they're paying, I thought I could rule out Lucille Roberts. It's a decent club, but sort of run-down and their weekend hours were really limited. (I think they close at 3 pm on weekends). The Rock (near me) was super expensive. Also, my father told me he recommended NYSC because then I could use it in different locations. Since he's paying for this gift, I figured I should go with his suggestion. The registration was $59 and then I think it's $60/month. So while it's not cheap, I do like the atmosphere and layout and classes and I think (hope!) it will be worth it. I've lost five pounds so far by trying a little harder to think about what I am eating, so I think the next five pounds might be lost through actual exercise. Who knows?

In celebration of embarking on this new step of physical education, I shall post one of my favorite and most gratuitous/ridiculous music videos about a workout class:




On a more serious note, I want to lose weight to look and feel better, but for another really important reason as well. When I look at slender or fit women, I get really jealous - but not because I wish I looked like them.

The reason I'm jealous is because I assume that these women don't spend 75% of their day worried about their bodies. I can't help but think that their weight is NOT what takes up most of their precious brain-time. I have so much useful energy that gets wasted because I'm freaked out about how I look! It must be so nice to put on shorts and just go outside - or to have a bathing suit be just another form of attire. It's possible that I'm romanticizing the lives of others (it's a habit of mine) but I have to say, losing some mental baggage is something I'm looking forward to and hopefully working towards.

Good Fat

I need to get some good fats in my life - tomorrow I'm going to pick up some salmon. Eating salmon is like a shot in the arm, so good! I'm also going to check out New York Sports Club.

BREAKFAST/BRUNCH

Chicken
Salad

LUNCH

Protein Bar
Diet Coke

DINNER

Brussels Sprouts
Popcorn
Wine


Yeesh, what a weird eating day!

The Girl's All Right With Me

DONE! My parents asked what I wanted for my b-day, I requested a gym membership, and they said "Great." So tomorrow I think I'll check out a gym on Ditmars. It's called The Rock (grrrr!) and it looks stupid expensive, but it's also open 24 hours during the week (which I like).

What do you all pay?

I'm sure I could talk them down a bit, but it seemed like there was a high registration fee, like $200. Then it was something like $80/month. I think NYSC was $70 a month and it didn't have a ridiculous registration fee. Thoughts?

Sleepy

Today was a nice healthy eating day, but with very little exercise. When I stop myself from eating out, I eat SO much healthier. Today I was very hungry (and tired) on the way back from a meeting. I kept thinking, "Chipotle! Pizza! Neptune Diner!" But I just walked home (also I didn't have any money on me, which was good), where I ate some yummy real food. Then I cooked some stuff for tomorrow, which will also prevent me from eating out too much.


BREAKFAST:

1 cup of Oatmeal

LUNCH:

Salad
Italian Vegetable/Noodle Soup
Bread

SNACK:

2 hard boiled egg whites with hummus

DINNER:

1/2 cup Israeli cous cous
Spinach

DESSERT

Chocolate bar

Yes I Can!

I am so exhausted from the past few days. I haven't really written because I've been eating poorly. I ate a TON when I was canvassing in PA. That Obama campaign sure knows how to feed people!

Sophie & Katie - thank you so much for your feedback. I shall be asking for a gym membership for my birthday and I will just have to make sure I use it. I do need to get more actual exercise. The walking is helping me maintain my weight, but it certainly isn't getting rid of any flab.

I ate okay today, except for lunch.

BREAKFAST

Leftover turkey sandwich


LUNCH

Apple
3 cookies


DINNER

Salad
Sushi


Okay, time for bed. All this history-making has made me sleepy.

I LOVE YOU BARACK OBAMA! AND I LIKE YOU A LOT JOE BIDEN!

Gobama08

This election is making me noivous. (That's "nervous" for all of you out there who lack New Yorker grandparents).


LUNCH

Oatmeal
Vegetable Soup


DINNER

Salad
Vegetable Soup


SNACK

Popcorn


EXERCISE

Walked to work and back (2 miles)


SCALE UPDATE: Hm, my funky scale says I lost the three pounds I had gained yesterday. Confusing. I shall weigh myself at my parents' tomorrow and get the real deal.

Daylight Savings

So Halloween has come and gone and I've survived mostly unscathed. I think I need to up my weight loss commitment...it's reached a plateau, in case you hadn't noticed. I think I try to avoid eating junk in my every day life more so than I did in the past, but I haven't done enough to burn more calories than I eat.

I'm afraid to weigh myself tonight because I think I'll see a definite uptick. But I'm going to do it anyway.

LUNCH:

2 chicken legs
Israeli couscous

DINNER:

Salad
Sushi!
Grapefruit juice

LATE NIGHT SNACK:

Salad
Popcorn (but not the 100-calorie kind, the regular kind).

EXERCISE:
Walked to work and back (2.5 miles)


See, that doesn't seem SO bad but I'm really not exercising enough. Tomorrow I shall walk, as that's really good for me to do. I'm working from noon to five, so after work I should just go. If I come home to drop my stuff off or change into "jogging" clothes I'll lose momentum.